I’m having a rough week.
It happens to the best of us.
For a lot of reasons I haven’t been able to make any kind of art for a few days. It is frustrating me. I know there is a lot of different art inside of me that I want to get out but I have only so much bandwidth in a day to give my energy to and other responsibilities have eaten most of it this week.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about my art. It is there. Glowing like the hot coals of a fire banked for a later time. When I make the time to get to it I will find it easy to reignite.
This did pose a problem for this blog. I am determined to keep sharing passionate things out into the world. I can’t do much to make this world better but I can do this, and we need refuges from the horrors of the world right now. Even if they are just small blogs.
I’ve just decided to share with you a passion of mine I have often felt was to “silly” to tell people about. It seemed pointless and even childish. I’m going to share it because it is the one thing I can think of this week that I feel excited about and I think there is a good lesson to be shared from it.
I like rocks. The bright shiny polished stones you can buy for lots of money all the way down to the tiny pebbles found as you walk down the street. In fact I like the pebbles more than the fancy carved and polished stones we call precious or semi-precious. I like them so much I collect them.
Anywhere I go that has a lot of small stones you can be pretty sure that I put some rocks in my pockets. Mountain streams, small walking trails, and of course beaches.
Just this past Saturday in fact I was at a beach and found many such pebbles that I call my treasures. This is a picture of my finds.
The reason I don’t often tell people about this is that they are “just silly little stones”. A collection that many children might have but what adult would do the same? I think they are all very pretty in their own ways but most people just see dull pebbles. They can’t imagine why on earth I would take up so much space in my life for stones. I even buy boxes just to keep my rocks in (Like the one in the picture). They are never going to be put into some “great art project” (at least as of this date there is no such plan, things can change). They are more than likely never going to get tumbled to be any more polished or shiny (rock tumblers and the grit for them are not cheap and they are very noisy, I live with roommate who might not appreciate that). I will never make any money off of them, unless someone wants to buy pictures of them ( know anyone like that?) as I will not sell them. I might give them away to someone I think would want or appreciate them for what they are.
What are they?
They are pretty little stones that make me smile. Not just because they are pretty in themselves, and I do think they are. They make me smile because I remember how I felt when I found them, even if I can’t remember were each of them came from after a while. (Right now I know all those in the picture came from a beach near Bodega Bay, Ca but in a few months or years they will just be mixed in with all the others I have tucked away.) It’s not important where I found them but that I found them. I like the way I feel walking along a beach looking down at the pebbles that most people just walk on without a thought. There are some real gems to be found there. When I find a very nice looking one I get a rush of excitement and when I put it in my pocket I am filled with a happiness I can’t really explain. It’s my new pebble that I will take home and enjoy having. When I give them to others I hope that they remember the feelings they had when given a gift from someone they consider a friend. That way you feel inside when you know someone took the time to think about how to make you feel good and they offered you that as a gift. No expectations just a “I was thinking you would like this, here you go” gift.
That is the point to my “pointless” collection.
Feelings, emotions, passion.
I may never get any material return from my little pebbles but what they give me is far grater. For me when I am feeling like I am this week, “thin… like butter scraped over too much bread.”(Tolkien), I can look at my little stones and know that it isn’t always that way. I have a physical reminder that I felt that spark of excitement and peace and happiness. I even got excited last night when I found the perfect boxes to keep them in. (yes boxes, these are only a very small portion of my collection).
When I get this way, when the ability to make art is gone due to life getting in the way, I sometimes worry that the drive is also gone. To be able to look at my pebbles and be reminded that there is passion still inside me is a great salve to get past those days.
Right now the fire of my passions is burning a bit low, but that does not mean it is out all the way. I still have it banked in hot coals just waiting for when I can stoke it back up to a beacon of inspiration to keep sharing with the world.
*The things I have mentioned in here about over used bandwidth and being stretched are ways I talk about my depression. I am well aware I live with this metal illness and I do my best every day to keep fighting and living my best life.
**I”ll be perfectly honest I had no idea what I was going to write till I sat down to do it. Took me about an hour and not only am I happy with what I wrote I feel better for having written. Writing is one of my art forms and I feel good when I am able to do it. I hope you enjoyed it.